David's Tumblr
What?
Tia: I'm going to go straighten my hair and then curl it.
Old
Tia: The song doesn't go, "I'm hot for my daughter's teacher."
Tantrums
Emma: I must be adopted. There is no way THAT woman gave birth to me.
Steam Engines
Emma: Mommy, the next time you're in Wal-Mart you should look for some of those old-time Barbies like the ones you had growing up.
Me: Yeah, babe - the Barbies with steam engines.
Sleeping In

Tia: I’ll never, ever, ever get to sleep in again!
Me: I’ll take next Friday off and you can sleep in.
Tia: But then YOU will be here all day!
Me: …

We Get No Respect
Emma: My brother is such a barbarian!
Tia: So's your dad.