September 2011
1 post
July 2011
2 posts
1 tag
June 2011
1 post
1 tag
What?
Tia: I'm going to go straighten my hair and then curl it.
May 2011
2 posts
1 tag
“Our Earth is degenerate in these later days; there are signs that the world is...”
– Assyrian clay tablet, ~2800 BC
2 tags
Guess I'm doing something right...
Emma: Daddy, what's a deep friend twinkie?
Me: It's a twinkie that's been covered in batter and fried in oil.
Emma: Daddy, what's a twinkie?
April 2011
6 posts
2 tags
1 tag
1 tag
2 tags
“The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you can never tell if they are...”
– Abraham Lincoln
2 tags
Are You Sure?
Connor: I shot your arm off!
Me: It grew back.
Connor: Dad! You're not a starfish!
2 tags
February 2011
1 post
3 tags
“the drum generally heals up; and if a hole remains in it, although one is...”
– J. B. S. Haldane, on suffering perforated eardrums
3 tags
Those Ponies Are Pretty Sneaky
Emma: What are you doing with Pinkie Pie in your room?
Connor: I don't know, I guess she just busted in here to play with me.
January 2011
2 posts
3 tags
The End of the World
Some people believe that the Mayans predicted the end of the world in 2012. I believe they predicted Dick Clark’s death.
December 2010
4 posts
2 tags
Today's Best Part of Being the Father of a Young...
Hearing random lightsaber ignitions throughout the day.
2 tags
The Meaning of Christmas
Connor, playing ToonTown Online: "Oh, you're gonna be Feliz Navi-DEAD!"
2 tags
2 tags
That's My Boy
Connor: Deck the halls with boughs of holly, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah
October 2010
1 post
2 tags
Emma's First Poem
Ants on the ground,
It’s a sunny day.
Ants on the ground,
It’s the first day of May.
They laugh and sing and have some fun.
They dance in the bright sun.
I step on one because it’s on the floor.
I found more ants but they ran out the door.
August 2010
3 posts
1 tag
3 tags
Old
Tia: The song doesn't go, "I'm hot for my daughter's teacher."
2 tags
Tantrums
Emma: I must be adopted. There is no way THAT woman gave birth to me.
July 2010
1 post
3 tags
Parenting
If you find yourself saying “This is the last time I’m going to tell you…” more than three times in five minutes, it’s time to pack the kids up and drop them off with Child Services.
June 2010
1 post
3 tags
My Little Skeptic
Connor: Emma, Selena Gomez isn't real.
Emma: Yes, Connor, she is.
Connor: Then where is she?
May 2010
1 post
2 tags
Pretend Friends Aren't As Reliable As They Used To...
Connor: Daddy, will you play with me? My pretend friends are at someone else's house.
January 2010
1 post
4 tags
Thanks For Pointing That Out
Connor: Did you get a haircut today?
Me: Yes.
Connor: THEN WHY DO YOU STILL HAVE A BALD SPOT?!
Me: ...
October 2009
2 posts
2 tags
She Is a Little Bossy
Emma: I. AM. NOT. BOSSY!...I just have a better idea.
5 tags
Skills
I was swordfighting with the kids earlier. Connor had a sword, Emma had a sword, and I had a 5’ polearm-like thing. I used the polearm to keep the kids away from me, which of course made them crazy. We took a break and when we started again, I grabbed two swords. Emma was proud of herself for grabbing the polearm and said “Hah, Daddy - now I have the polearm” and started swinging...
August 2009
1 post
3 tags
But I Don't Look Like a Harry...
Me: Ouch! Stop pulling my chest hair.
Emma: Ba-ba should have named Daddy "Harry" instead of "David."
Me: ...
April 2009
1 post
3 tags
Steam Engines
Emma: Mommy, the next time you're in Wal-Mart you should look for some of those old-time Barbies like the ones you had growing up.
Me: Yeah, babe - the Barbies with steam engines.
February 2009
1 post
2 tags
Sleeping In
Tia: I’ll never, ever, ever get to sleep in again! Me: I’ll take next Friday off and you can sleep in. Tia: But then YOU will be here all day! Me: …
January 2009
2 posts
“Part of the problem, Green said, is that the government has changed the money so...”
– Fake money isn’t what it used to be - Kansas City Star
3 tags
Reading is Fundamental
Connor came up to me tonight, after bedtime, with an open book. Connor: Daddy, can you read these words? Me: Yes. Connor: Mommy said they said “Good night Connor” but I don’t think that’s right.
December 2008
3 posts
2 tags
We Get No Respect
Emma: My brother is such a barbarian!
Tia: So's your dad.
“Of those who say nothing, few are silent.”
– Thomas Neill
4 tags
